NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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