Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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