why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
