it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
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Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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