some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Soap is not a condiment
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
