No awkward lesbian experiences without me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
