Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
