Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
