the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we're making bets on your personal life
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
