Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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