I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
