Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
