Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I love having hate sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
