Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
