And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
