do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
