I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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