yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
