Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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