Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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