you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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