ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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