So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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