ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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