in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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