i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
