That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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