We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
either way he was missing a nipple.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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