He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
