I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
