p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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