farters have to be the big spoon...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
