If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
