they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
