My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
