honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
