This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
