he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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