Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
