I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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