I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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