This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
