it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
