Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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