I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
