I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
