i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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