i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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