So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
