remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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