When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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