Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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