tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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