ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
