I have demons in me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
