She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
