I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
