so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
