I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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