When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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