Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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