Don't you send me to vm
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
