It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
pop tarts are not kleenex
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It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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