I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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