His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
