I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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