that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
