DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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