if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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