I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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