New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
