i think my tv is drunk
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
