cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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