I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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