shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
they need to just BURY HIM!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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