I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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