i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
