Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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