honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
