Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
