they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
